You read that correctly, Pink Floyd is the greatest rock band of all time. However, it's also notable that Henry Ford, genius of mass production and ardent anti-Semitic founder of Ford Motor Company, didn't actually invent the assembly line, despite often being credited as such. The honor for this innovation instead rests on one of the giants of the era, Ransom Eli Olds. Ransom is one of the forgotten masters of the early century, the man most credited with bringing mass-production to Detroit and largely establishing the auto industry. The Oldsmobile Curved Dash was, for a time during the nineteen-ought's, the best-selling car in America and is considered the first mass-produced vehicles in history, selling 5,000 units in 1904. Those kinds of numbers would imply there was some kind of mass production system behind it.

Olds grew up the son of a blacksmith and learned his fathers ways — diligence and exacting work — at an early age. At the closing of the 1800s, Ransom got to tinkering with steam-powered cars but soon moved to gasoline. In 1895 Ransom and his father opened Olds Gasoline Engine Works where the two experimented and worked and by 1896 had built their first gasoline-powered automobile. He even went so far as to go racing with the terrifying creation above dubbed the "Olds Pirate." In 1897 he opened the Olds Motor Vehicle Company and that year sold a grand total of four cars.

The initial cars didn't sell very well on account of expense and what we'd consider an aversion to being and early-adopter. By 1899 an investor by the name of Sam Smith stepped in and bought the company, putting Ransom in charge of operations. 1901 was a harrowing year for Olds, having moved his operations from Lansing to Detroit and set up shop at the Olds Motor Works, he faced setbacks when the factory burnt to the ground in March. The Curved Dash Oldsmobile prototype was one of the few cars saved from the fire. He began producing later in the year and not only radically reduced the price of the car but made interchangeable parts the order of the day. When supply was outstripped by demand Olds developed and patented the very first assembly line. Ransom put in place much of what we recognize as the assembly line today, defined repetitive operations, fixed stations and parts delivered to the worker. In 1902 the factory's output quadrupled from 425 cars in 1901 to 2,500. By 1905 Olds had moved back to Lansing and was building 5,000 cars a year.

Eventually Smith wanted to go upmarket to serve the burgeoning luxury market and Ransom Olds left to form REO Motor Company and organized many of its suppliers. The credit for the invention of the assembly line often goes to Henry Ford because of one very critical addition, Ford put the cars on a conveyor of sorts, creating the all-important moving assembly line.

[Wikipedia, Ideafinder, Detroit1701]

Like Isaac Newton and gravity, The Christmas Truck was the results of one man's sudden inspiration. Kris Marshall was hauling a generator and a few strands of Christmas lights to his church in a $50 used truck. He simply combined the two and The Christmas Truck was born.

It's amazingly nontechnical, it's literally just lights taped to a truck. According to Marshall "It's not very scientific, it's a hideous site in the daylight, there's black tape and wires in the daytime." But at night it's amazing. Marshall has used eight trucks and added dozens of strand since, though it's always a 2WD Chevy/GMC with a regular cab and eight-foot truck bed "the way a truck ought to look."

By his own estimate there are 50-to-70 strings with a mixture of 50 and 100 lights each, making a conservative estimate of 3,000 lights. There are no LEDs, just the cheap $0.89 strings, though he'd like to add some to take pressure off the taxed generator.

It's a hit around Dallas and Polk Counties in Iowa, where Marshall is a GMC truck salesman. He often pulls hayrides and drives in parades around the holiday seasons. Unfortunately, not all police officers understand.

"It's totally illegal and almost all the cops are cool with that. Almost all... some of them don't get it. Last night I met two cops in four minutes and they just smiled. I think I've got most of them trained."

With the exception of a few tickets for illegal use of lights, the only other downside to The Christmas Truck is when one of his sons decides to use it for a date.

"If you're picking up your girlfriend in the Christmas truck and she's not expecting the Christmas Truck that can be a dealbreaker."

We salute Kris Marshall for a display of holiday exuberance high on awesome but appropriately low on ingenuity for someone who thinks a working heater in a truck is "a luxury."

Year: 2010
Make: Nissan
Model: GT-R SpecV
Power: 478 HP
Why It's Hot: "It's no secret Nissan has done everything right when it comes to the GT-R. The car has tamed the Nurburgring, besting supercars that cost far more money while delivering real world reliability and daily drivability. Like the Spec-Vs of early 1990s Skyline GT-R fame the latest rendition of Nissan's factory special edition takes the car to a whole new level. The Spec-V is currently a Land of the Rising Sun only proposition, making its inclusion on the Forza 3 DLC a real treat for players around the world."

Year: 2010
Make: Ferrari
Model: 599XX
Power: 700 HP
Why It's Hot: "The XX in the Ferrari 599XX badge gives clues to its experimental mission. The car is basically a library book that needs to be checked out at the front desk and the library is in Maranello. While based on the 599 GTB Fiorano, with the same transaxle layout and engine type, this prototype is an extreme track car. It is not road legal and its performance envelope has been stretched to brink of rupturing."

Year: 2009
Make: Aston Martin
Model:#007 Racing Lola LMP1
Power: 650 HPs
Why It's Hot: "Step up to big-time racing in this stunning Lola chassised, V12 Aston Martin-powered masterpiece. Built to Le Mans LMP1 specification the Aston Martin Racing (AMR) Lola was tasked to take down the oil-burners at the 2009 24 Hours of Le Mans on the 50th anniversary of Aston's win at la Sarthe. In 1959 Roy Salvadori and none other than Carroll Shelby took out Ferrari Scuderia's 250 GT with the famous Aston Martin DB1."

Year: 2010
Make: Jaguar
Model: XFR
Power: 510 HP
Why It's Hot: "Any thoughts of Tata sitting on Jaguar's laurels go out the window with one look at the sensuous XFR. The regular XF, which replaces the S-Type, has resurrected the brand and given Jaguar a bit more spring in its step. The full-tilt boogie high-performance R model takes the XF to the next level, delivering performance and luxury in a neatly wrapped package. A totally revamped AJ Series V8 displacing 5.0 liters has been supercharged and super-tuned to pound out 510 horsepower and 460 lbs-ft of torque which puts the XFR squarely in M5 and AMG territory."
"

Year: 2009
Make: Audi
Model: #2 Sport Team Joest R15 TDI
Power: 600+ HP
Why It's Hot: "Audi's recent Le Mans success started with the gasoline powered R8's win in 2004 and saw its diesel dominance take full effect with overall 24 Hours of Le Mans wins in '05, ‘06, '07 and '08 with the V12 TDI R10. The R15 is the evolution of the concept. The powerplants hard specs include a pair of Garrett turbochargers, four-valves per cylinder, DOHC, two 37.9mm engine air-intake restrictors (stipulated by regulations) and maximum turbo pressure of 2.75 bar absolute, diesel direct injection TDI®, fully stressed aluminum crankcase, and a Bosch MS14 engine management system."

Year: 2010
Make: Mercedes
Model: SLR Stirling Moss
Power: 650 HP
Why It's Hot: "The SLR Stirling Moss is retro but innovative. There is neither a roof nor a windscreen to separate the driver and passenger from the outside world; they enjoy unadulterated high-speed excitement with all the attributes of a true open ‘al fresco' speedster. The body, a fully carbon fiber masterpiece, is pointy at the nose with deep-grooved accents and a wide-open cockpit. The humps behind driver and passenger serve as rollover protection and air scoops. Peak beneath the bonnet and you're greeted by a 650 horsepower, AMG-sourced supercharged V8 that displaces 5.4 liters. 0-60 whizzes by in 3.4 seconds and, if your hair can handle the turbulence, the SLR will top out in the neighborhood of 215 mph. This sparkling performance costs a petty penny, 750,000 Euros or a tad over $1 Million."

Year: 2010
Make: Lamborghini
Model: Murcielago LP 670-4 SV
Power: 661 HP
Why It's Hot: "The ‘SV' at the end of the name stands for Super Veloce, a moniker reserved for Lambos with a little extra punch under the loud pedal. Also the ‘4' prior to the ‘SV' equates to all-wheel drive. In this case the Super V its 6.5-liter V12 develops 29 more horsepower, topping out at 661 compared to 632 in a standard Murcielago. The added gusto comes complements of revised valve timing and alterations of the intake system. The hard data on the Prancing Bull's mid-ship-mounted V12 include an 88.0 mm bore, 89.0 mm stroke, 11:1 compression ratio, double overhead cams, variable valve timing and four valves per cylinder."

Year: 2010
Make: Ferrari
Model: 458 Italia
Power: 570 HP
Why It's Hot: "Maranello brought its A-Game, giving the 458 Italia the best of the best. Its all-new aluminum chassis structure has been endowed with a highly functional body the 458 has just enough resemblance to its predecessor, the F430, to recognize the bloodline. The 458 Italia is a combination of banned F1 active-aero technology and the voluptuous vision of the Pininfarina design house. The 458 features ‘aerolastic' spoilers in front that shape shift as the car accelerates altering the flow of air into the radiator and decreasing drag. Pininfarina provided the classic Ferrari elements; five-spoke star wheels, Prancing Horse fender badges and V8-under-glass engine presentation. But Pininfarina's sculpted character lines, flowing fender treatment, high-tech LED headlamps and scowling front fascia take the Italia to the next level."

Year: 2010
Make: Audi
Model: S4
Power: 333 HP
Why It's Hot: "The ‘S' designation means big performance for Audi fanatics. S models come with standard Quattro all-wheel drive, pumped up engines, big brakes and sport tuned suspensions as well as unique interior and exterior styling cues compared to its ‘A' designated siblings. With its penchant for poshness in recent editions some people say the ‘S' in the S4 has stood more for Style than performance. For 2010 the ‘S' stands for Scintillating.

The 2010 edition pounds the pavement with a direct-injection supercharged V6 in place of turbo V6 and V8 offerings found in previous S4s. The 3.0-liter blown V6 pumps out 333 horsepower. The new powertrain is only 11 horses shy of the V8 but provides a 23 lbs-ft gain in torque, enhancing the sedan's low-end grunt and overall drivability. Shifting can be accomplished with either a six-speed manual or seven-speed dual-clutch automatic. The latter delivering quicker acceleration and improved fuel economy, 27 percent better than the previous S4."

Year: 2010
Make: Porsche
Model: Panamera Turbo
Power: 500 HP
Why It's Hot: Because including a Cayenne in a DLC of "Hot Holiday" cars is wrong, the Panamera Turbo is the only four-door Porsche we'd consider taking to the track. Though the engine is on the wrong side of the car, the übersedan still puts down 500 HP from its twin-turbo V8. It's enough juice to take three of your friends and their golf bags to 62 MPH from a cold start in just 4.2 seconds.

The DLC pack is downloadable today and costs 400 Microsoft points.

TomTom collected data from its Tele Atlas business system GPS data to determine what streets were "congested." In order to qualify a driver has to travel at only 70% or less than the posted speed limits. And while cities like Los Angeles and New York make the top five, it's actually Seattle, Washington at the top of the pile with 43% of the roads considered congested. Full details in the gallery.

Rank: 20th
City: Houston, Texas
% Of Roads Congested: 23%
Population: 2.24 million

Rank: 19th
City: Portland, Oregon
% Of Roads Congested: 23%
Population: 557,706

Rank: 18th
City: San Juan, Puerto Rico
% Of Roads Congested: 24%
Population: 422,655

Rank: 17th
City: Long Island, New York
% Of Roads Congested: 24%
Population: 7.45 million

Rank: 16th
City: Phoenix, Arizona
% Of Roads Congested:
Population: 1.57 million

Rank: 15th
City: Austin, Texas
% Of Roads Congested: 25%
Population: 757,688

Rank: 14th
City: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
% Of Roads Congested: 25%
Population: 1.54 million

Rank: 13th
City: Fairfax County, Virginia
% Of Roads Congested: 26%
Population: 1.02 million

Rank: 12th
City: Boston, Massachusetts
% Of Roads Congested: 27%
Population: 620,535

Rank: 11th
City: Atlanta, Georgia
% Of Roads Congested: 27%
Population: 537,958

Rank: 10th
City: Oakland, California
% Of Roads Congested: 28%
Population: 645,345

Rank: 9th
City: Alexandria, Virginia
% Of Roads Congested: 28%
Population: 140,024

Rank: 8th
City: San Jose, California
% Of Roads Congested: 29%
Population: 948,279

Rank: 7th
City: Washington, D.C.
% Of Roads Congested: 30%
Population: 591,833

Rank: 6th
City: New York, New York
% Of Roads Congested: 31%
Population: 8.37 million

Rank: 5th
City: San Francisco, California
% Of Roads Congested: 35%
Population:

Rank: 4th
City: Montgomery County, Maryland
% Of Roads Congested: 37%
Population: 808,976

Rank: 3rd
City: Chicago, Illinois
% Of Roads Congested: 37%
Population: 2.85 million

Rank: 2nd
City: Los Angeles, California
% Of Roads Congested: 38%
Population: 3.83 million

Rank: 1st
City: Seattle, Washington
% Of Roads Congested: 43%
Population: 602,000

Lego Ferrari F1 Pit

Five Lego men, a handful of tool bins, and an F1 car that fits inside of a truck. Next thing you know, little Timmy will have his Hot Wheels collection winning world championships. (Either that, or he'll be pimping his way around your basement like Flavio Briatore* on a Monaco Sunday. Neither is undesireable.)

Age: 8–14

Price: $79.99

[Lego]

*Yes, we know he's a Renault man, but sadly, Jean Todt doesn't date supermodels. You want your kid chasing uglies?

Hip T-Shirts They Won't Understand

Ancient references. In-crowd oil stains. Sure to prompt lots of questions. ("Daddy, what's ‘HF' mean?" "That stands for ‘High Fidelity,' son. That's the opposite of what daddy's ears do when mommy starts to talk.") Keeps 'em thinking, and normalizes the idea of four-wheeled weirdness.

Age: Irrelevant, so long as they fit in the shirt.

Price: $10 and up. (The Lancia Fulvia shirt at left is £19.35, or roughly $32.)

[Slick Attire]

Hot Wheels Radar Gun

This fine piece of work is a marvel of packaging and down-to-a-price engineering. Yes, it's a real radar gun. Yes, it actually works. It reads both Hot-Wheels-scale (1:64) and real-world speed, and when it came out in 2007, it listed for just $20. It's no longer in production, but you can still find it on eBay and Amazon. Cheaper than most baseball guns and durable enough to be kid-friendly. A recipe for dangerous driveway speed experiments and thrill-seeking one-upmanship. Teaches the value of Band-Aids.

Age: Mattel says 7–12 years, but we call foul. Anyone, anywhere, and any age.

Price: $50 and up.

[Amazon]

Scalextric Slot Cars

Easily found at Target. (Yes, you can stroll into the Big Red Dot and walk out with an Audi-Mercedes DTM-car battle and several feet of track. America is fantastic.) Appeal requires no explanation. If you go online, you can find everything from Trans-Am Mustangs to Dan Gurney's Spa-winning Eagle F1 car. There's also a Top Gear-branded "PowerLaps" set that sports a Stig on its box. Run, don't walk.

Age: 8 and up.

Price: $80–$320, depending on car/track configuration.

[Scalextric]

Little Tikes Cozy Coupe

I had one of these when I was little. It's since been redesigned — mine did not look like a demented clown on uppers — but it's still worth having. Few things will better show your child that they will spend their entire waking life in motion. Foot power means built-in speed limits, less broken furniture.

Age: 18 months to 5 years. (I no longer fit in a Cozy Coupe. It should go without saying that my life is a sad, sad place.)

Price: $49.99

[Little Tikes]

Killer Wall Art

Vintage motorsport posters give your brood something to dream by. Young and feisty? Pick a print that's fun and bright. Old and moody? Go for dark and heroic. No matter what you choose, you should paper the room in this stuff. (If Suzy doesn't ask to take her time-outs in the garage, then you haven't tried hard enough.)

Age: Irrelevant.

Price: $20 and up, depending on print and frame style.

[Art.com]

Take Your Kid To A Race

Take your runt to two races: a modern one, to see what evolved speed and the marketing machine is all about, and a vintage one (Do this one first. Trust us. — Ed.), to walk among legends and see how far we've come. Buy the paddock passes, eat the fair food, and make your scruffy little rugrat smell the hot tires. Bonus points if you're actually driving something on the track at the time. (Remember: It's not where mommy and daddy hang out, it's where they live.)

Age: Old enough to breathe.

Price: Admission tickets, pizza, youthful innocence.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

World Rally Championship DVD

Because the best way to get someone into cars is to start an obsession. As anyone who's unwillingly watched High School Musical knows, some things can be seen over and over; some things cannot. If your kid is going to glue herself to the television, you might as well try to rot her brain with an excess of mud and oversteer. ("Sally! No playing Left Five Over Crest in the house!")

Age: As soon as their eyes open. (Baby Einstein, my ass. I want Baby Petter Solberg.)

Price: $14.95 and up.

[Live Sockets]

My R/C Car Is Cooler Than Yours

Yes, you'll spend long hours helping them build it. Yes, it will be far too fast for their young reflexes. Yes, it'll get smashed into tiny bits. This is the price of childhood joy; it must be paid. (Don't you want your kid to know the name "‘Smokin' Jo Winkelhock"?) Years from now, when your offspring wants their first car to be a decades-old homologation special, it'll all make sense.

Age: 5 and up, depending on the quality of model and how much cash you have to burn.

Price: $20 and up. (The Tamiya M3 at left is an adult-level kit; it costs $180.00 and doesn't include batteries, paint, or a radio.)

[Tamiya]

Tom Lichtenheld's Excellent Book

Yes, the printed word is currently undergoing a strange and confusing paradigm shift. Yes, books are rapidly – and, in many cases, unjustly – losing ground to the internet and video games. But reading still has a place, and car books are the best place to start.

Tom Lichtenheld wrote Everything I Know About Cars: A Collection of Made-Up Facts, Educated Guesses, and Silly Pictures About Cars, Trucks, and Other Zoomy Things. It's funny, clever, and contains the line "Your next duty is to test the power windows. Down. Up. Down."*

Age: Doesn't matter, so long as they like bedtime stories. Start with this, then work your way up to Christopher Hilton's excellent James Hunt: Portrait of a Champion. (Debauchery! Booze! Racing! A virtual instruction manual for life!)

Price: $16.95

*FYI: Lichtenheld also wrote a similar, equally amusing book about pirates. ("Pirates will often carry their knives in their mouths, although the practice is frowned upon by the American Dental Association.")

[Amazon]

Punish The Bondage Mini

Because sometimes, you just have to take your faux-British, faux-small hot hatch down into the basement and make it your bitch. (Hey! I said say my name. Mister Jalop wants his candy.)

Be As Cool As This Guy

Toyota has a pair of Sienna seats on its floor. They recline. They're comfortable. We like this dude. He knows what's up.

Thrills, Chills, Spills!

What is it with these video game things? Almost every booth has one. Is this what the kids are doing these days? Do they learn how to use them on the blogoweb? Don't they like real cars? What did I do with my Metamucil?

I need a nap.

Stalk Famous People, Get All Creepy In Their Faces

Hey, look! It's Patrick Dempsey! He's, uh, Patrick Dempsey! He plays that one doctor on that one show! We can't remember which one! (McCreamy? McRacey?) We kind of wish we were rich like him and could go Grand Am racing in an RX-8! He could be our best friend! Let's swap hair samples, Patrick! Yay, Patrick Dempsey!

(Wait, what were we talking about?)

Watch City Buses, Contemplate Intestinal Distress

Mom always told us to be polite, so we'll keep this brief: There's something slightly ominous here. And that kind of looks like a pool of blood.

Just sayin'.

Fix Your Busted-Ass HHR

[Cue theme song from Sanford and Son; fade out]

Step Into The Tardis, Do Very Little

Mini wants you to do something with its phone booth. We have no idea what that something is. We stood inside the booth for twenty minutes, but nothing happened. (Well, not exactly nothing. The Mini people got very angry, for one. And our loud requests to meet Colin Chapman and/or Winston Churchill were repeatedly ignored. And they threatened to ban us from the show. But nothing of substance.)

Get Eaten By The Audi Sphere

Not sure what it does. Not sure why it's there. Kind of want to rub up against it. Naturally, that's when it gets you.

RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! AUDI SPHERE HUNGRY!

Monopolize Ford's Slot Car Track

If the kid in line behind you gets testy, just tell him to go hump a wall. Slot cars are fun. Adulthood is awesome. Kids can suck eggs.

Touch-a Touch-a Touch The Ford Mustang

Seriously. Go on, touch it. How does it feel? Yeah? You wanna touch it again? You should. We need you to. Touch it.

Oh! Is that your husband? Ah, yes! Can I . . . er . . . tell you about my . . . leather? It comes in a color called Grabber Blue! Wait, no, that's not what I meant. Come back. Please?

Spank the Ford Raptor

No jokes here. Baja is fantastic. The Raptor is fantastic. If you can bear the line, you can fake-drive a Raptor on this cool movey-shakey rig. Desert racing, how we long for thee.

Point Your Obnoxiousness At Lincoln's Peeping Tom

It's a rear-view camera on a fixed base with a screen directly above it. Is it recording? Is there someone watching a feed somewhere, perpetually on the prowl for up-skirt shots? No one knows. One question rises above all: Why on earth would this be of interest to anyone?

(Just for reference, yes, I showed it my ass. Yes, I am an immature goon.)

Eye-Hump Some Air-Cooled Glory

That's not a car. That's nirvana.

Stop Your Grandmother's Heart, But Just For Giggles

The Porsche display, which is housed in its own private room, contains the exploded driveline of a Cayenne Hybrid. The diorama sports a giant electric motor with an enormous ring of magnets in it. There is also a posted warning that cautions against getting too close if you wear a pacemaker. (Or if you have a cell phone, or if you have an electronic device that stores information magnetically. Good thing no one uses those.)

Maybe this is a stupid question, but if it's a mock-up, why didn't they just install fake magnets? Did some anal-retentive Stuttgarter insist upon pinpoint accuracy? (Nein! Ze magnets! For Tchermany!) If that's the case, why did someone else listen to him?

Thank you, Porsche. This is why we can't have nice things.

Auto shows usually have a healthy dose of engine porn, but the L.A. show had more than most. The eight powerplants in this gallery were found on the show floor, and each is available in a car sold (or about to be sold) to the American public. The only thing they have in common is that they looked cool on the stand.

Answers are on the right side of the page, along with a car that the engine is installed in. Be a sport and try not to peek, huh?

(The flat six seen here isn't part of the game because it's too easy — it lives in a Porsche 911. That said, if you can figure out which 911 it goes in, we might be impressed.)

Automaker: Lexus
Engine: 4.8-liter V-10
Output: 552 hp
Vehicle: Lexus LFA

Automaker: General Motors
Engine: 6.0-liter V-8
Output: 332 hp
Vehicle: Chevrolet Tahoe Hybrid

Automaker: Ford
Engine: 2.3-liter I-4
Output: 133 hp
Vehicle: Ford Escape Hybrid

Automaker: Porsche
Engine: 4.8-liter V-8
Output: 394 hp
Vehicle: Porsche Panamera 4S. (Check the driveshaft running through the sump.)

Automaker: Volkswagen
Engine: 3.6-liter V-6 (VR6)
Output: 280 hp
Vehicle: Volkswagen Touareg

Automaker: General Motors
Engine: 3.6-liter V-6
Output: 304 hp
Vehicle: Cadillac CTS

Automaker: Acura
Engine: 2.3-liter turbocharged I-4
Output: 240 hp
Vehicle: Acura RDX

Automaker: Volkswagen
Engine: 2.0-liter diesel I-4
Output: 140 hp
Vehicle: Volkswagen Golf

Sandy's something of a renaissance man; draftsman, guitar player, teacher, motorcyclist, instrument maker and model builder. When he was in a motorcycle accident which shattered his wrist and put him out of action for a while, he needed something to do. While finishing a canned beverage he thought of model airplanes he'd seen made from cans and thought why not make cars out of the same material? And thus was born the CanCar. The "Coriba Climax" below is his first effort and while impressive in its own right you see the cars keep getting more and more technically detailed with each successive build. Very cool hobby Mr. Sanderson, and talk about a unique (though somewhat spendy) Christmas present opportunity.

Coriba Climax

Click the first image to read more

The Hot Rod

Click the first image to read more

The Buggy

Click the first image to read more

The Guinness

Click the first image to read more

The Roadster

Click the images to read

The Guinness 2

Click the first image to read more

The Jeep

Click the first image to read more

The Mini Moke

Click the first image to read more

The Heineken

Click the first image to read more

How They're Made

Click the first image to read more

(Hat tip to Jan!)

[CanCars]

Cover: This is where we used to put all the new BMW 3-series and Chevrolet Corvette variants. Now, you'll notice a bunch of new and unexpected cars, like the Miata.

Noted Notables:

* Notice how the cover image itself no longer sucks.

* OCDers such as myself find that the red and blue bars around the "and" now extend that last pica down to the baseline. You'll sleep better tonight knowing that, trust me.

Table of Contents: Whereas Car and Driver's previous table of contents (TOC) used to have all the easy readability of Finnegan's Wake, we tried to make the revised TOC a model of clarity and simplicity.

Noted Notables:

* All the big features are on the front page.

* All the other departments are on the second page.

* We decided not to describe TOC on the TOC itself, for fear that time-space would collapse upon itself.

Columns: Traditionally, there have been two types of C/D readers: Those who skip the columns, and those who write several hundred letters a month describing their various disappointments with said columns. With this new design, we expect this to remain unchanged.

Upfront: With all the Internets out there, how can a monthly magazine do breaking news with a straight face? It can't, which is why we're not doing it anymore (Praise the Lord! —Ed.). Upfront will instead be a mini-features section with long-range forecasting, infographics, humor pieces and standing elements like Tech. Dept., which breaks down some recent piece of new technology.

Noted Notables:

* This section opens with a big marquee that carries a mini-TOC over it, giving you a free first hit of all the dope (Dropping the precious slang...you know, for kids! — Ed.) inside.

* Arrows! Arrows!

* The rail-type navigation at the top of the section's pages is an old C/D hallmark, and it's back because it looks cool and it works. With a glance up at the page corner, you always know where you are, even if you already knew you were on the toilet.

Feature Well:

Rigidly formatted websites like this here Jalopyneck are great at delivering quick info, scoops, photos, and interaction, but in general even with great photos the web doesn't allow for the visual differentiation of one story from the next, and it struggles to impose a hierarchy on stories. A magazine is different. Great photography and art direction make each print story unique and allow the reader to sink into the page. Smart story pacing lets the reader know what's most important. This redesign plays to those strengths of the printed page, and does what this medium does best: Epic visuals, longer stories and comparison tests, and great packages jam-packed with stuff.

The Charts: We made the comparison-test charts easier to use by putting all the info in one place, rather than scattering the various pieces around like so many chicken parts in a Santeria ritual.

Noted Notables:

* The bar graphs are back! Long the best part of the entire goddamn magazine, our comparative bar graphs return to the road-test page.

* Also, check out the sweet fake magnifying glass in there. Designing that took Nathan, like, three hours.

Drivelines: What's a car magazine without car reviews? Nothing, that's what. The revised Drivelines section will provide more piquant opinion and more background on the cars we cover.

Noted Notables:

* The thumbs-up/thumbs-down graphic replaces the "highs/lows," because Recreational Drugs Fortnightly threatened to sue.

Gearbox: At Car and Driver, we test stuff. We don't just paraphrase the press release for the latest auto-fellator - we actually do the hard research. Every month, the Gearbox section will put a category of accessories or tools or other aftermarket hardware through its paces.

What I'd Do Differently:

Wherein we try to get really important people to tell us how they've screwed up. Rarely works.

(You can read Car and Driver by subscribing — it's only, like, $10 a year — or you can buy an issue at a newsstand — it's only, like, $10 per issue. — Ed.)

We've run the cars up against their sales numbers and as you'll see there's a lot of muscle on the list. There's also only two that even break the 100,000 sales mark. In both cases, they're Honda models and in both cases they sell over 200,000 units a year.

We think this means that if you're an automaker and you want your car model to break into the top ten, you need something with a plastic interior and a 500 HP option — or you need to sell an appliance that's so non-exciting people need to search for it to remember what it is.

Alas, only one of those choices seems to provide heavy sales numbers. Without further ado, here's the full list. Click next over yonder to begin.

POSITION: 10
NAME: 2009 Mazda3
2009 SALES*: 88,485

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 9
NAME: 2009 Jeep Wrangler
2009 SALES*: 75,246

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 8
NAME: 2010 Dodge Challenger
2009 SALES*: 23,316

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 7
NAME: 2010 Dodge Charger
2009 SALES*: 54,378

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 6
NAME: 2009 Honda Accord
2009 SALES*: 261,818

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 5
NAME: 2009 Smart ForTwo
2009 SALES*: 12,709

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 4
NAME: 2009 Mini Cooper
2009 SALES*: 50,511**

*Through November, 2009.
**Combined for both MINI Cooper and MINI Clubman. MINI does not break out sales data for individual models.

POSITION: 3
NAME: 2009/2010 Ford Mustang
2009 SALES*: 60,096

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 2
NAME: 2009 Honda Civic
2009 SALES*: 237,403

*Through November, 2009.

POSITION: 1
NAME: 2010 Chevrolet Camaro
2009 SALES*: 54,100

*From March 16, 2009 through November, 2009.

Random Point of Interest One: As far as we know, there is no universal guide for tying a deer to a car. Most DNR websites offer basic safety tips ("do not tie the deer across the hood while it's still warm," etc.), but hard and fast rules are pretty hard to come by. Our advice? If you go for the hood, make sure you can still see out of the windshield. (Seriously, people. This happens.)

Random Point of Interest Two: Hitting a deer with your car and then claiming/tagging it as the bounty of your hunt is illegal in most states. Along the same lines, if you hit an animal, don't go cutting its antlers off willy-nilly. (And if you're in Texas, don't do it next to a public roadway. You might get arrested. True story.)

Photo Credit: Ghost Particle / Flickr

"Dammit, Jim, I don't understand why he's not movin'. Hell, he's not even warm."

"Be careful, Fred. Them critters are liable to surprise you somethin' fierce."

"Well, hell, I just thought I'd poke it a little and . . . wait . . . it's . . . IT'S LOOSE! HE'S COMIN' RIGHT FOR US! AIEEEE!"

Photo Credit: Matt MacDonald / Flickr

"I saw him downtown one sunny afternoon. Hair like lightning, antlers bigger than a turned-on Thor. Couldn't have been more than a few seconds, and then he was gone. Rode down that street like he owned it. His sneakers gleamed. He was . . . El Deerablo."

Photo Credit: CM 2175 / Flickr

"Frank, I tell you, that sonofabitch knows how to drive. Scandanavian flicked it through the intersection, e-braked us up onto the curb, and double-clutched into first before I knew what happened. He's a monster. And he has to be stopped."

Photo Credit: Isbye / Flickr

"Captain, I just don't get it. When the boys arrived at the scene, the only things left were a pair of battered sunglasses and a rental car covered in hoof marks."

"The cleanup crew didn't find anything else?"

"Nothing. Well, nothing except this. It's written in a scrawling, almost . . . animal hand."

"Don't be ridiculous, sergeant. A note? What does it — wait, is that English? "

"Chief, what the hell does 'NOM NOM NOM' mean?"

(Ok, so it's an elk instead of a deer, but close enough. Also, the guy in this picture looks exactly like my friend Chris Simon from Chicago. Hey Chris!)

Photo Credit: Steve and Jemma Copley / Flickr

This is what turns up on Flickr when you search for the words "deer" and "car" simultaneously. Ladies and gentlemen, Sweden is one weird-ass place.

Photo Credit: Peter and Jan Criel / Flickr

Ah ha ha! Deer on bus! Deer no ride bus — bus ride deer! Ah ha ha! They no have fare! Ah ha ha! Oh, deer angry! Deer get in argument with bus drive person! Ah ha — oh, deer inside, oh — oh, deer ANGRY, oh OH HUMANITY! DEER GONE MAD! AIEEE!

(Again, they're elk, but...)



Photo Credit: UV Fedor / Flickr

Found outside a college dorm in Miami. We prefer not to think about why it was there. We suggest you do the same.

Photo Credit: Billy V / Flickr

Note motorcycle. Note fur on motorcycle. Note deer head attached to back of motorcycle. Note that said deer head is wearing a helmet.

Fact: This picture was taken in Germany.

That is all.

Photo Credit: Celesteh / Flickr

Aww, cute!

(Nope, there's no car. Yep, we cried at Bambi. And yep, we want to hug it. Nothing against hunting, we're just sissified emotional weenies.)

Enjoy the season!

Photo Credit: Patricia Lazar / Flickr

This isn't the first major Toyota recall or even the first time Toyota's response has been called into question. In 2006, the company's Hilux trucks experienced safety issues and Toyota was forced to recall more than a million of them. It took the company a long time to admit fault and they were criticized by the Japanese government for their foot-dragging.

Steps to correct the problem have come from Toyota since the death of a CHP officer and his family in a loaned Lexus in August. The 911-call from the officer claiming he couldn't brake or stop the car from accelerating made national news. A month later the Department of Transportation issued a recall on floor mats in certain Toyota and Lexus vehicles, thought to be at blame for the crash, and Toyota followed with a temporary fix until they issued the full recall last week.

Despite the recent flurry of activity, the timeline shows Toyota has been aware of the problem since at least April of last year.

We can thank LeMons Perpetrator and hyphy Oakland native Nick "Deuce Deuce" Pon, aka TheEastBayKid, for the idea.

We had a decent speaker/amp setup, a 400-watt amplifier and four 6x9 speakers stuffed into an old thrift-store particle-board speaker cabinet. It's visible on the roof of the Cursed VW Transporter in the photo above.


Just attach the jumper-cable clips to the vehicle's battery, hook up the iPod to the amplifier input, and crank up the Mistah F.A.B. It worked well, as you can see in the video from the Buttonwillow Histrionics LeMons last summer. At that race, we used the Department Of Highway De-Beautification Safety Truck as the Ghost Ride vehicle. Unfortunately, Mistah F.A.B. coupled with the "Bass Boost" equalizer setting on the iPod blew out most of the speakers on our GRTW Box, and in any case we needed something sturdy enough to withstand shipping to non-West Coast races. Junkyard time!

First, we'd need a bunch of tie-downs/speaker protectors. I headed over to my local self-service boneyard, figuring I'd find an old truck with a bunch of rusty-ass tie downs. But wait! Car door striker latches are made to withstand high-speed wrecks, every car has at least two of them, and they're held on with just two screws. No need to fight nasty, corroded carriage bolts on some junked '74 F-250 with a bed full of ossified dog poop. Problem solved!

I grabbed quite a few latches, all from Hondas and Toyotas; my design called for four, but there's no harm in a bit of junkyard overkill.

I figured I'd get some junkyard 6x9s and just build a plywood box with enough room for them, but it turns out that Bunny With A Pancake On Its Head VW Rabbit team captain and 1976 Audi Fox driver Casadelshawn holds a degree in Intergalactic Badasstical Speaker Design (note: I've forgotten all the technical terms Casadelshawn so patiently explained to me, including the name of his college degree, so I'll be making up every audio-engineering term from this point on), and he offered to help apply some, like, science to the design of Ghost Ride The Whip Box V2.0.

A little cutting and pasting of some scrap plywood went pretty easily, thanks to the miracle of drywall screws and Elmer's Glue. I was forced to buy longer countersunk machine screws to mount the door latches on 3/4" plywood, because the Toyota screws were too short. It hurts, paying for new stuff on a junkyard project!

Here's a top view of the super-scientific cabinet design, as suggested by 33rd Degree Master Speakerman Casadelshawn. The layout was limited by the requirement that the box be readily shippable to distant race tracks without incurring oversize fees from FedEx, so there was no avoiding right angles (which, according to Heisenberg's Fourth Theorem Of Boombox Design, should be shunned). Note the Intradimensional Thumpin' Doob Tubes™ (PVC pipe), which apparently enhance the rubber-mallet-on-skull effect of the bass. The idea here is to run one channel per pair of speakers, then place the GWTB Box V2.0 at an angle on the roof of the vehicle, so that spectators to the front and rear will get both left and right sides of the stereo.

The latches flank the side speakers, in order to protect them when the inevitible drop to the asphalt occurs. LeMons gear takes a serious beating. Cabinet pulls go on the ends, providing speaker protection as well as carrying handles.

The Total Mobile Audio T4404 amplifier goes into a protected-from-upside-down-droppage compartment on the top of the box.

Here's the high-tech power connection. Don't slam the hood all the way closed!

A few random car emblems give it that Murilee Martin Lifestyle Brand™ look. Spitfire, Buick, Jaguar, and a nice diamond-studded 22" emblem add class.

Some scavenged ropes and bungee cords keep it semi-anchored to the roof of my Crown Victoria, which edges closer to being sold to a LeMons team with every week that goes by.

And here we go! The Judges' Choice-winning 1Up SE-R team looks enthusiastic as they pay for their sins. Yes, I know I'm supposed to get out of the car and let it drive itself, but the Chief Perp nixed that idea for- get this!- safety reasons!

The guys from the Starsky and the Bandit Capri team also looked good during their Ghost Ride penalty. Let's watch some video!

These dudes proved to be the lamest Ghost Riders in LeMons history, trudging along like they'd been in the Bataan Death March for the last couple of days, but they said they'd form a mosh pit if we cranked up some Metallica. "Master Of Puppets" perked them right up! Later, we did the German Car Parade Of Shame, with several E30s, a Porsche 914, and a VW Golf doing a very slow lap of the paddock behind the Crown Vic and Rammstein cranking on the GRTW Box.

Here's what we used for inspiration when determining the appropriate level of LeMons Ghost Ride enthusiasm:

Just in case you're too young to get the "Tigra and Bunny" reference:

Amazingly, we saw European cars take seven of the first ten positions, with four BMWs, an Alfa Romeo, a Porsche, and a Volkswagen dominating the race. Mazda and Toyota have five LeMons wins apiece, so we have to think that they're sweating in the boardrooms of Tokyo and Hiroshima right about now. Look for factory-sponsored $500 cars in the near future!

The third annual Arse Freeze-A-Palooza was more like an Arse Cool-A-Palooza this time, due to the schedule putting the race in November instead of December. We had more cars on the track than we'd ever seen at any LeMons event, and the LeMons Supreme Court punished more miscreants than ever before (570 total black flags). We saw our first-ever Toyota Cressida, Renault Alliance, and Northstar-engined Cadillac. The LeMons tradition of Nissan Zs failing miserably continued, with seven 280ZXs and 300ZXs on the track and only one finishing in the top 100… at 99th place. The 2009 LeMons season is now officially over. See you in Phoenix next January!

Thanks to Daniel Zanelli, Kyle Ryan, and Larisa Wolf for photographic help; thanks also to the Faster Farms Non-Rotisserie Chickens for allowing me to bolt the PillarCam to their Belvedere.

Not enough LeMons action for you? Check out the top lemons of past races: Altamont '07 • Arse Freeze '07 • Altamont '08 • Ohio '08 • New England '08 • South '08 • Texas '08 • Arse Freeze '08 • Texas Spring '09 • South Spring '09 • Reno '09 • New Orleans '09 • New England '09 • Buttonwillow '09 • South Fall '09 • Ohio '09 • Texas Fall '09

1. Pandamonium Racing, BMW 325i
Overall Winner
Best Lap: 2:19;185

2. Eyesore Racing, Ghettocharged Mazda Miata
Winner, Organizer's Choice Award
Winner, Class Good
Best Lap: 2:16.282

3. Bavarian Beer Wagon, BMW 325e
Best Lap: 2:21.786

4. Team California Mille, Alfa Romeo Alfetta
Winner, Highest Placing 70s Contender Award
Best Lap: 2:26.955

5. Formula BMW, BMW 325e
Best Lap: 2:21.671

6. Cajun Coonasses dba Speed Racer, Honda Prelude
Best Lap: 2:29.481

7. Team Hurling Moss, BMW 2002
Winner, Class Bad
Best Lap: 2:27.843

8. Old Fast Auto Race Team, Porsche 924S
Best Lap: 2:21.181

9. Lil Smokey And The Bandit, Toyota MR2
Best Lap: 2:19.227

10. $14 The Hard Way, Volkswagen Golf
Best Lap: 2:23.799

11. Bunny With A Pancake On Its Head, Volkswagen Rabbit
Best Lap: 2:28.931

12. Geo Metro-Gnome 2.0, Geo Metro
Best Lap: 2:18.195

13. The Faustest Team, BMW 325
Best Lap: 2:23.160

14. Los Cerdos Voladores, Plymouth Neon
Winner, Least Horrible Yank Tank Award
Best Lap: 2:23.146

15. 1Up Mother Cluckers - Well-Connected Nissan Freaks
Winner, Judges' Choice Award
Best Lap: 2:22.986

16. Lipstick On A Pig, Nissan Sentra SE-R
Best Lap: 2:24.079

17. Italian Stallions aka "The Fiat," Fiat X1/9
Best Lap: 2:25.618

18. Autobahn Society Racing, BMW 2002
Best Lap: 2:30.655

19. Zoom-Zoom...BOOM, Mazda 323
Best Lap: 2:29.873

20. Ecurie Ecrappe Autodenta, 1971 Alfa Romeo Spider
Best Lap: 2:21.236

21. Heisenberg Racing, BMW 318
Best Lap: 2:21.422

22. Barbarian Motorworks, BMW 325eS
Best Lap: 2:21.164

23. Rockerz In Dockerz, Ford Mustang
Best Lap: 2:34.323

24. The Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys, Peugeot 505 Turbo
Winner, Grassroots Motorsports Most From The Least Award
Best Lap: 2:27.088

25. Socialist Dogsledders, Honda Civic
Best Lap: 2:24.155

26. Bernal Dads Racing, Volvo 245
Best Lap: 2:31.161

27. Scuderia Flat Pack, Volvo DL
BS Penalty laps: 4
Best Lap: 2:17.234

28. The Sharks, BMW 325e
Best Lap: 2:18.246

29. Frozen Assets, Plymouth Neon
Best Lap: 2:20.990

30. Absolute Lemon Motorsports, BMW 325
Best Lap: 2:20.033

31. Falknor Auto Racing Team (FART), BMW 535i
Best Lap: 2:24.714

32. An Inconvenient Car, Ford Taurus SHO
Best Lap: 2:22.319

33. Planet Hell Racing, Porsche 944
Best Lap: 2:30.168

34. Clueless Party Vikings Vintage Racers, Ford Mustang
Best Lap: 2:23.009

35. Uber Vogel Hans-Am, Mercedes-Benz 190E
Best Lap: 2:26.873

36. Free Range Racing, Toyota MR2

37. Team Cant Am, Volvo 242 Turbo
Best Lap: 2:27.579

38. Reversed Darwinism II: Brute Force And Ignorance, Ford Crown Victoria
Best Lap: 2:24.817

39. PIT CREW REVENGE, Honda Civic
Best Lap: 2:27.761

40. Filthy Faux Ford GT40, Ford Escort ZX2
BS Penalty laps: 10
Best Lap: 2:25.862

41. Sierra Auto Recycling, Ford Crown Victoria
Best Lap: 2:28.674

42. Stars & Stripes Racing, Mazda RX-7
Best Lap: 2:23.415

43. Carpocalypse NOW!, Eagle Talon TSi
Best Lap: 2:24.613

44. Guud Humor Racing, Ford Ranger
Winner, Class Ugly
Best Lap: 2:25.495

45. Dust n Debris, Dodge Shadow
Best Lap: 2:31.937

46. Beaver Domination, Honda Civic
Best Lap: 2:22.313

47. POS Delivery, BMW 325i
Best Lap: 2:26.497

48. Red Rocket Racing, Toyota Celica GT
BS Penalty laps: 1
Best Lap: 2:33.262

49. The Cannonball Bandits, Toyota Corolla FX16
Best Lap: 2:34.066

50. Carpet Pissers, Honda CRX
Best Lap: 2:25.011

51. Festiva Royale, Ford Festiva
Best Lap: 2:35.383

52. LowerGearEpisode2, BMW 325
Best Lap: 2:20.892

53. Death Race 2000: Frankenstein's REVENGE, Mazda MX-6
BS Penalty laps: 50
Best Lap: 2:28.969

54. Squadra Volante, Alfa Romeo Alfetta
Best Lap: 2:32.232

55. Caffeine Unlimited, BMW E30
Best Lap: 2:24.698

56. Team Barbie, Mazda RX-7
BS Penalty laps: 2
Best Lap: 2:34.177

57. Deepest Valley Racing, Chevrolet Caprice
Best Lap: 2:32.734

58. San Jose Scalawags, Mazda Miata
Best Lap: 2:27.099

59. Badagascar, Acura Integra
Best Lap: 2:23.847

60. Save The Whale, Ford Crown Victoria
BS Penalty laps: 50
Best Lap: 2:15.069

61. Team California Mille #2, Alfa Romeo Alfetta
Best Lap: 2:33.280

62. Redneck Racing Team (RRT), Cadillac Eldorado
Best Lap: 2:31.785
Image credit: Kyle Ryan

63. Team Petty Cash, Jeep Cherokee
Best Lap: 2:31.561

64. Size Does Matter, Plymouth Fury
Best Lap: 2:26.603

65. Purple Lemon Racing, Volkswagen Beetle
Winner, Index Of Effluency
Best Lap: 2:47.501

66. Mysteries Inc. Racing, Plymouth Voyager Turbo
Best Lap: 2:47.721

67. Fast Cat Jungle Racing, Toyota Cressida
Best Lap: 2:35.849

68. I Wanna Roc, Chevrolet Camaro
Best Lap: 2:30.398

69. Team Ken, Mazda RX-7
Best Lap: 2:31.182

70. TSP - Drivers In Training, Honda Civic
Best Lap: 2:25.481

71. Mazdarachis, Mazda RX-7
Best Lap: 2:12.311

72. Snobs On The Dole, Saab 9-3 Convertible
Best Lap: 2:27.135

73. Team King Crab, BMW 325i
BS Penalty laps: 1
Best Lap: 2:37.413

74. Members Only, Porsche 928 Shooting Brake
Best Lap: 2:19.718

75. NYPD ITB, Mazda 323
Best Lap: 2:31.954

76. LEMON DEMOLITION, Honda CRX
Best Lap: 2:22.682

77. Sin City SCAR Wars, Pontiac Fiero
Best Lap: 2:30:263

78. Chim Chim Racing, Volkswagen GTI
Best Lap: 2:28.689

79. Snowspeeder Pilots Association, Toyota MR2
Best Lap: 2:27.409

80. Gift With Purchase, BMW 325iS
Best Lap: 2:19.947

81. Hit & Run II, Mitsubishi Starion
Best Lap: 2:29.933

82. Magnum P.O.S., Honda CRX

83. Team Lightning McQueen, Pontiac Sunfire
Best Lap: 2:42.587

84. Yushin Maru Racing, Toyota Supra
Best Lap: 2:04.824

85. B-Team, BMW 325e
Best Lap: 2:30.216

86. Unknown Fluids, BMW 633CSi
Best Lap: 2:26.837

87. Fart-Rari Racing, Mazda Miata
Best Lap: 2:23.518

88. ONSET/TWTM2
Best Lap: 2:25.532

89. Runs Like A Raped Ape, Acura Integra
Best Lap: 2:20.101

90. The Big EASY, Porsche 914
Best Lap: 2:30.939

91. Fast Times @ Placer High, Mazda Miata
BS Penalty laps: 20
Best Lap: 2:21.702

92. A+ Trailer Trash, Mazda RX-7
Best Lap: 2:26.694

93. The Flakes, Volvo 244
Best Lap: 2:32.852

94. Starsky and the Bandit, Ford Capri
Best Lap: 2:27.427

95. Team Dai Hard, Daihatsu Charade

96. ZZ Uber Das Driver: Uncle Uber Is Back, Volkswagen GTI

97. Frak This Racing / Lime Tigers, Datsun 280Z
Best Lap: 2:14.862

98. Knights Of The Round Track, Toyota MR2
Best Lap: 2:32.676

99. 1320 Turners, Datsun 280ZX
Best Lap: 2:19.039

100. D, C&H Taxi Co, Honda Civic
Best Lap: 2:31.928

101. Tercelators' Totally Bitchen Camaro, Chevrolet Camaro
Best Lap: 2:36.017

102. The Channel 4 News Team, Nissan 240SX
BS Penalty laps: 16
Best Lap: 2:25.019

103. Diplomatic Immunity, 1995 Mercedes-Benz S600
Winner, Heroic Fix Award
Winner, I Got Screwed Award
Best Lap: 2:43.869

104. U.S. BureauCRAP, Nissan Maxima
BS Penalty laps: 10
Best Lap: 2:23.578

105. Junk Yard Kats, Datsun 280ZX
Best Lap: 2:25.387

106. Hit & Run, BMW 320i
Best Lap: 2:41.311

107. Punk Racing, Mazda RX-7
BS Penalty laps: 10
Best Lap: 2:19.362

108. A Lemon Entry, Ford Escort
Best Lap: 2:32.656

109. Nerd Herd, Toyota MR2
Best Lap: 2:25.362

110. THUNDER RACERS, Ford Mustang
Best Lap: 2:26.362

111. Team InternationOLVO (aka Damn Foreigners), Volvo 242 Turbo
Best Lap: 2:35.094

112. REDNECK RACERS, Acura Integra
Best Lap: 2:23.586

113. LOOSE NUTS CALIFORNIA, Mazda RX-7
Best Lap: 2:23.586

114. Huey Newis and the Lose, Ford Mustang
Best Lap: 2:26.513

115. Unsafe At Any Speed, Chevrolet Corvair
Best Lap: 2:54.645

116. HomeTown Buffet / WOO WOOO!, Isuzu I-Mark RS
Best Lap: 2:35.967

117. Rooster Juice Racing, Porsche 924
BS Penalty laps: 2
Best Lap: 2:35.773

118. Gimp Pimp, Cadillac STS
Best Lap: 2:29.979

119. E=MC HAMMERED, BMW 325e
Best Lap: 2:25.462

120. Audi In Wonderland, Audi 90
Best Lap: 2:28.695

121. Wienerschmoker II: Electric Boogaloo, BMW 325e
BS Penalty laps: 15
Best Lap: 2:27.387

122. Rice Rocket Racing (the Sequel) or RQubed, Nissan 280ZX
Best Lap: 2:23.140

123. XDOG'S, Honda CRX
Best Lap: 2:31.199

124. Rockin Rollers, Mazda RX-7
BS Penalty laps: 20
Best Lap: 2:32.502

125. Faster Farms II: Non Rotisserie Chickens, Plymouth Belvedere
Best Lap: 2:32.949

126. Wedginator III, Triumph TR7
Best Lap: 2:30.420

127. Automatica, BMW 325i Convertible
BS Penalty laps: 1
Best Lap: 2:26.283

128. Rubber Chicken Piccata Racing, Volvo 740GLE
BS Penalty lap: 4
Best Lap: 2:27.115

129. Blood Drive / Arcane Racing, BMW 530i
Best Lap: 2:24.252

130. Family Truckster, Ford Pinto
Best Lap: 2:29.685

131. F-ING Renault Fromage1 Racing Team, Renault Alliance
BS Penalty laps: 5
Best Lap: 2:42.831

132. The Black Flags, Toyota Supra
Best Lap: 2:27.738

133. Project FATE, Nissan 300ZX
Best Lap: 2:34.077

134. Leftover Parts Racing, Mazda RX-7
BS Penalty laps: 5
Best Lap: 2:32.608

135. 4 R's (aka 501k), Volkswagen Jetta
Best Lap: 2:30.428

136. Las Vegas Magic, Honda CRX
Best Lap: 2:25.497

137. Chicken Licken- Reburned, Nissan Stanza
Best Lap: 2:28.123

138. Killer Bees, MGB
Best Lap: 2:34.924

139. Pearl Harbor Racing, Datsun 200SX
Best Lap: 2:37.848

140. Angry Hamster Racing, Honda Z600
Winner, Dangerous Homemade Technology Award
Best Lap: 2:30.906

141. Magnum P.I.G., Toyota Celica
Best Lap: 2:30.847

142. Dudes of Hazard, Toyota Celica Alltrac Turbo
Best Lap: 2:31.097

143. Group of Foolz, BMW 533i
Best Lap: 2:41.045

144. Team Apathy, Saab 9000 Turbo
Best Lap: 2:33.079

145. Team Pyrite, Eagle Talon
Best Lap: 2:29.821

146. Clunkers Refuge Racing, Nissan 300ZX
Best Lap: 2:40.543

147. LITTLE WOODY, Honda CRX
Best Lap: 2:53.268

148. Blanco Basura Racing, Honda Prelude
Best Lap: 2:33;837

149. Hatfield's and McCoy's, Nissan 300ZX
Best Lap: 3:29.281

150. Kamikaze Ninjas With Lasers, Nissan Sentra SE-R
BS Penalty laps: 150
Best Lap: 2:26.620

151. Mark's Wife Won't Let Him Drive, Prosche 944
BS Penalty laps: 300
Best Lap: 2:19.175

152. Motoring J Style, Acura Integra
BS Penalty laps: 1,200
Best Lap: 2:22.508

On the surface, it's little more than a featureless piece of asphalt. Unless you're a civil engineer, a museum curator, or a hooker, there is little difference between a good one and a bad one. Its primary purpose is to hold parked cars, a task that most people view as dull. To Joe Public, the lot is little more than a civil appliance.

We beg to differ. In fact, we'd like to offer up a revolutionary thought: The parking lot is important. It matters. It is the car's unloved (and yet wholly necessary) offspring, and it has soul.

Think back to the first time you drove somewhere on your own. Chances are, if it wasn't a friend's house, it was a parking lot. Remember what it felt like to climb out of the car, to realize that you had finally gotten somewhere real on your own? Would it have meant half as much if you had pulled up to a valet, left the car running, and simply strolled away? How would you have felt if you hadn't been allowed to get out and walk around?

Without parking lots, we would have places to go, but we wouldn't have anything to do when we got there. It starts early; Americans may live in their cars, but they grow up in their parking lots. What teenager hasn't leaned up against a borrowed car on a boring-ass Saturday night in the middle of nowhere? What suburban mall lot hasn't played clubhouse, garage, and impromptu bar for thousands of high-schoolers? Is there anyone out there who didn't spend at least part of their youth under the fizzy glow of a twenty-foot halide?

We see The Lot playing a pivotal role in film so often that we tend to ignore it. Films as diverse as Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and the cult documentary Heavy Metal Parking Lot have effectively made lot culture a part of our collective memory:

Even Say Anything, Cameron Crowe's quirky ode to teenage love, contains a key piece of Lot Theory. Crowe is fully aware that lots are where we go when we have nowhere else to be:

Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack): I got a question. If you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at, like, the Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday night, completely alone, drinking beers with no women anywhere?

Joe (Loren Dean): By choice, man. We choose this.

Happily, there's also something called The Parking Lot Movie, an independent film that focuses on one lot and the obsessive people within it. It contains the following quote, which summarizes Lot Theory in a nutshell: "That's like the word of the day at the parking lot — hanging. Can you hang? It's a combination of being really relaxed and not letting someone talk you down." (For reference, the film is a riot.)

The list goes on: Football tailgating. The unplanned, pre-concert lot party — hippies make this sort of thing last for weeks — that takes place before stadium shows and club gigs alike. Autocrossing, where weekend racers compete on the cheap in their own cars. The blue-collar cruise-in. Cars and Coffee. Any of these could happen without a parking lot, but they wouldn't be half as accessible, cheap, or fun.

Like any American icon, the lot's family tree runs far and wide. Consider the drive-in movie, which is little more than a parking lot with a giant screen in front of it. (The town of Ann Arbor, Michigan once took this concept to its meta conclusion, showing films on top of a multistory parking garage.) Or take the Midwestern-style field party, which requires little more than a grass pasture, a keg of beer, and ten or fifteen pickup trucks. (Hello, impromptu lot.) The Lot is versatile, it changes with the times, and it loves you.

That love aside, nothing lasts forever, and lots are no exception. Given enough time, the parking lot as we know it will disappear. It will likely be replaced by automated garages, more effective mass-transit systems, and future infrastructure we cannot yet imagine. When this happens, we will have lost one of our greatest unintentional achievements. And we will be worse off for it.

Douglas Adams once pointed out that people like to congregate at boundary conditions — where land meets water, for example, or where earth meets sky. We like to be on one side, he said, and look at the other. Parking lots — where people meet pavement — fit nicely into this theory. They're not without flaw, but they matter. They deserve our respect. The next time you park your car, do a Lot mitzvah: take a moment to say thanks.

Good on ya, Lot. Long may you run.

Photo Credit: iMorpheus, Ben McLeod, Ypmiley / Flickr

Ahh, Thanksgiving — turkey, family, angst, and burnouts. (Your holiday doesn't have burnouts? What are you, a commie?)

Also lists. We make lists every day, and on holidays, we sit around and stuff our faces full of food and make more lists. What are we thankful for this week? Turkey, that's what. We're also thankful for these ten cars — even though we can't afford some of them, we're happy that they exist. Dig in.

Bugatti Veyron

Because it's proof that one man can still go stark raving mad and build a world-beating car that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Makes the idea of a focus group seem like a fate worse than death. One set of its tires likely costs more than your first car did. It is yin and yang, Jalop (engineering masterwork) and anti-Jalop (heavy, unattainable). Do not try to understand it. It just is.

Photo Credit: Jason Thorgalsen / Flickr

Chevrolet Corvette

It is an American car made by American men and women. It is like walking down the street wearing a T-shirt that says, "I'm with Penis." It is remarkably modern and wonderfully crude all at once. And for a short, glorious while, it went to Le Mans and reminded the world that Yankees could kick ass. All hail the LS7. All hail the LS9. All hail Detroit.

Photo Credit: Sam Smith

Lotus Elise/Exige

Because someone, somewhere, forgot to tell the boys in Hethel to make it fat, ugly, and boring. Because it is a real car that happens to be built out of gossamer and fiberglass. And because I once flung one sideways through Road Atlanta's Turn Twelve — not entirely on purpose, mind — at triple-digit speeds and lived to tell the tale. It made me look less than stupid. I am eternally grateful.

Photo Credit: Horgakx / Flickr

Nissan GT-R

It is heavy, clublike, and run by a million computers. It is surprisingly sterile and undoubtedly better at driving itself than you are. (You get the feeling that no matter how you treat it, it is toying with you, watching you from afar.) It is on this list because it is unique. Because it is everything wrong with Japan's car industry. Because it is also everything right.

Photo Credit: Jason Thorgalsen / Flickr

Volkswagen GTI

Volkswagen's GTI is the ultimate automotive success story, a model that lost its way only to find it again years later. Sure, it's not the most durable thing on the planet, but that's part of its charm — it's cheap, cheerful, and faster than it seems. If you haven't embarrassed a supercar on some winding back road in one of these things, then you haven't lived. Hot hatches don't get much better.

BMW 335i

It is very nearly the perfect automobile, but this is no surprise. The 3 Series has been exceptional for decades, and save the odd dose of corporate German hubris, it just keeps getting better. Build a better sport sedan than this 300-horse, velvet-glove monster, and the world will beat a path to your door.

Photo Credit: Fabio Aro / Flickr

Mazda RX-8

Quirk, and for little reason other than satisfying a decades-old obsession on the part of its maker. Painfully slow around town. Those once-trick doors are now almost too much work, and the RX-8's Renesis rotary sucks dino juice like it's on OPEC's payroll. But the chassis is flat-out magic, the kind of magic you only discover at nine-and-a-half tenths when you're trying to eke out that last little bit of speed and you think nothing is left. It reminds you of a Spec Miata with more weight in the tail. It is the attainable sports car for people who truly understand what that phrase means.

Photo Credit: Michael Banovsky / Flickr

Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution

Now that both Subaru and Mitsubishi have left the international rally stage, the WRX STI and the Lancer Evolution seem a bit lost. (Homologation specials need something to be homologated for, no?) Were we forced to choose between the two, we'd probably pick the Evo, but it's a tough call. It depends on the roads you're on, on how you feel that day, and on whether you have be someplace very quickly and with little drama (STI) or absolutely nowhere at all (Evo).

The STI is an amazingly talented car and arguably the better all-rounder. The Evo is the dirty, rough-edged monster that everyone thinks rally cars are supposed to be. We like them both — a lot — but only one of them feels as mean as it looks. Mitsu by a hair.

Ford Mustang

The Mustang is a rolling contradiction, equal parts modern muscle and hopeless anachronism. It is an argument for and against everything we stand for, a piece of yesterday bound up in a slightly cheesy modern wrapper. It is both much better and much worse than you expect it to be, but somehow, that's part of its charm. It is very, very difficult not to like.

Exhaust rumble. A rompy V-8. A stick axle so well-controlled, it makes the concept almost seem relevant again. These things are not the future, but we love them all the same. Were we to wake up tomorrow and drive off into the soul of America, we would do it in a Mustang.

Photo Credit: Sausyn / Flickr

Caterham Seven

One long-dead man's ridiculous dream turned reality turned company-bill-payer turned neglected relic turned reality again. Impossibly small. Sillier than almost anything else on wheels. Older than dirt. And still fantastic.

Happy turkey!

Photo Credit: Exfordy / Flickr

Turn: 1, First Half of Big Bend
Description: The entry speed corner comes at the end of the main straight, so you want to maximize what speed you're able to gather (about 110 MPH in the MX-5) by braking as late as possible. Since the entry is very wide and the curve is relatively gentle, that means you're going to be shedding that speed while turning.
Gear: Starting in 5, finishing in 3.
Difficulty: High
Method: Brake gently at the last braking marker and turn in, heading in a straight line towards the apex. Now brake harder, shifting into 4th, then 3rd. Keep the car around the middle of the track as you approach turn 2.

Turn: 2, Second Half of Big Bend
Description: A late apex in a decreasing radius corner that sets you up for a short straight leading into the following corner.
Gear: 3
Difficulty: Medium
Method: turn in late, lift slightly to tighten your line and hold the car against the curb to the point where it ends, then let the car track out to the left. You need to be at wide open throttle to maximize the short straight. If you do it right, you'll bounce off the limiter a few times, but changing up a gear, then down again for the next corner probably won't save any time unless you're very fast.

Turn: 3, The Left Hander
Description: As the name suggests, the only left hander at Lime Rock. Deceptively long, there's a couple of usable lines through it, but either way you need to be able to get all the way to the left of the track on the exit to set you up for the next corner.
Gear: 3
Difficulty: Medium
Method: Enter in the middle of the track, trail braking as you turn slightly. Once you can see the apex, turn in sharply, clip it, but hold the wheel to left as you use the throttle to exit. You need to hit the turn in point for Turn 4 all the way to driver's left.

Turn: 4, Entry On To No Name Straight
Description: A fairly standard right hander that sets you up for the following series of slight bends known as "No Name Straight."
Gear: 4
Difficulty: Low
Method: A basic corner with a textbook approach: just turn in all the way over at driver's left shift into 4th, clip the curbing at the apex and track out. Get the throttle fully open as soon as you're in 4th. Straight line the straight as much as possible, no need to hit curbs or anything.

Turn: 5, The Uphill
Description: A fairly straightforward right hander that's been made complicated by sticking a steep hill in the middle. If you don't have your wheel straight when you crest it, you'll spin and the barriers are very close to the track.
Gear: 4
Difficulty: High
Method: Brake lightly at brake maker 4, then turn in at marker 1. Clip the apex and get on full throttle pointed out towards the curb halfway up the hill on driver's left, then once you hit that hill use the compression to tighten your line the rest of the way. Hands straight as soon as you've done that and hug the edge of the track over the crest and down the short straight. It's easier than it looks.

Turn: 6, West bend
Description: A right hand sweeper that can be taken very fast. The inside curbing is very tall, so get close, but don't clip it. Sets you up for The Downhill, which is super important to lapping quickly, so the exit is all important here.
Gear: 4
Difficulty: Medium
Method: Brake lightly, then turn in for a normal apex, get fully on the throttle early and hold it there as you ride the curbing on the outside.

Turn: 7, The Downhill
Description: If you're going to crash at Lime Rock, it'll be here. A very fast downhill right hander with compression on the entry that aids turn in. Sets you up for the main straight, you'll lose lots of time if you don't get this corner right.
Gear: Start in 4, finish in 5.
Difficulty: High
Method: Very confident drivers only need to lift slightly down the hill in the MX-5, but I still brush the brakes a little for some added confidence. Make sure you're on maintenance throttle at turn in, which is just where the hill flattens out. You need to use the compression this transition creates to maximize front end grip on turn in, so predict where its going to happen and turn in aggressively just as the front suspension compresses. Roll on the throttle as you clip the apex, getting it fully open as soon as possible, then track out fully the left, shifting into 5th when revs dictate. Huge the left side of the track all the way down the straight.

Here I am trying to put what I learned into practice. The cars are Mazda MX-5 Cup racecars. Over the standard vehicle, they add a $5500 Mazda racing package that includes a new intake and exhaust, boosting power from 167 to 200 HP. There's also remote reservoir Eibach dampers, considerably stiffer Eibach springs, solid antiroll bars, racing brake pads and 225/45WR-17 tires. The cars are also stripped of their interiors and soft tops, have a full cage welded in and you sit in racing buckets with five-point harnesses facing a removable wheel. The whole thing weighs just 2,600 Lbs. In short, it's a real race car with much improved throttle response, steering and outright grip. It's an extremely neutral car that'll understeer if you push it too fast into corners and let you tighten your line if you lift the throttle, making it near perfect to learn on.

Quality Planning — a company that validates policyholder info for auto insurers put together this list based on data gathered between August 2007 and September 2008, using a sample size of 1.7 million vehicles.

Click "next" or select any car to learn how it made the list.

[via AOL Autos]

Photo credit: Kipp Baker

Vehicle: 2009 GMC Sierra 1500
Place: #10 (tied)
Percentage lower than average: 60% less likely
Why it isn't ticketed: It's a big pickup truck. Unless you're outfitted with the entire JC Whitney off-road catalog, pickups are as good as invisible on the streets. Well, not invisible, more like moving blind spots blocking your view of traffic. Still, given the utility and apparently lower ticketing rate, the higher fuel consumption and parking woes might be offset.

Vehicle: 2009 Buick Lucerne
Place: #10 (tied)
Percentage lower than average: 60% less likely
Why it isn't ticketed: It's a Buick. More accurately, it's a part of the "Old Buick." Recently we've seen signs of life in GM's tri-shield brand with the Buick LaCrosse and Buick Regal, but the Lucerne is positioned staunchly in the "old-man driving 10 MPH under the speed limit in the fast lane" stereotype of Buick. This car isn't ticketed because its drivers don't break the law, well, they don't break speeding laws. Tickets for no turn signals and late turns across three lanes of traffic into Old Country Buffet are rare.

Vehicle: 2004 Oldsmobile Silhouette
Place: #8 (tied)
Percentage lower than average: 63% less likely
Why it isn't ticketed: Nothing says "I'm not worth your time officer" better than a minivan, especially a GM minivan sadly badged as an Oldsmobile. The Silhouette was GM's pity offering to Olds dealers with nothing interesting in the showroom and acted as a footnote in the last days of the brand. It's nothing if not completely invisible in the real world and the drivers are too busy trying not to be seen to go around breaking traffic laws.

Vehicle: 2007 Buick Rainier
Place: #8 (tied)
Percentage lower than average: 63% less likely
Why it isn't ticketed: Platform prostitution at its finest, the Buick Rainier started life as the Chevy Trailblazer, which begat the Oldsmobile Bravada, which died with the brand, so it was rebadged as both the Saab 9-7x and Buick Rainier. A lesson in how not to manage a platform for success. The Rainier has not one but two invisibility shields: 1) it's an unremarkable looking SUV, and 2) it's a Buick. Might as well have that fancy cloaking technology the Predator used.

Vehicle: Mazda6
Place: #6
Percentage lower than average: 66% less likely
Why it isn't ticketed: Despite the Mazda 6's more sporting character compared to other mid-size family sedans, it's still a mid-size family sedan. There are more than enough hot-heads in pony cars and German prickmobiles to collect revenue from.

Vehicle: 2005 Buick Park Avenue
Place: #5
Percentage lower than average: 68% less likely
Why it isn't ticketed: Quite a preponderance of Buicks on this list isn't there? Of the cars on here, we've always felt the Buick Park Avenue got the short end of the stick. The final generation actually wore some pretty crisp styling but was always burdened by terrible old-fogey wheels and later boasted tacked-on ventiports. The supercharged 3800 V6 would scoot off the line but the floaty suspension and drowsy interior made the idea of breaking the law a non-issue. Plus, what cop wants to ticket the nice little grandma behind the wheel.

Vehicle: Chevrolet C1500, K1500, 2500HD, 3500HD
Place: #4
Percentage lower than average: 72% less likely
Why it isn't ticketed: Same reason as its GMC Sierra twin, it's a truck and thus nothing more than an large lump taking up space on the road. With the 6.0-liter V8 they can be pretty fast and they're surprisingly agile around a corner, but nobody buys a truck for the go. As to why the Chevy has such a remarkable difference in ticketing rate we haven't a clue, perhaps since GMC buyer paid more for theirs, they feel like they should drive it faster and park in goofy places.

Vehicle: Chevrolet Tahoe
Place: #3
Percentage lower than average: 79% less likely
Why it isn't ticketed: If there was a way to make the Silverado more invisible to law enforcement, it's to close up the bed, add a pair of doors and call it the Tahoe. Even the name says law-abiding-white-bread-citizen. There's an interesting paradox here in that based on anecdotal evidence a great many Tahoes are driven with reckless abandon, weaving in and out of traffic as if they own the road. And yet, with their inevitably beige, black, or maroon paint jobs, Tahoes blend into the background like a chameleon.

Vehicle: Chevrolet Suburban
Place: #2
Percentage lower than average: 84% less likely
Why it isn't ticketed: Take everything about the Tahoe and add more girth. The big, bad, 'Burb has been sailing American roadways so long it's practically an institution. A last bastion for the family of eight which isn't interested in a full-size van, the Suburban is so big as to be imperceptible on a normal human scale, making it perfect for eluding the radar guns gaze. Their relative rarity these days helps out a lot too.

Vehicle: Jaguar XJ
Place: #1
Percentage lower than average: 89% less likely
Why it isn't ticketed: The Jaguar XJ has a shape almost as old as the idea of the car. Until Ian Callum came along and boogered-up the design with the 2010 Jaguar XJ, the car was so ubiquitous, and favored by such old buyers, it's practically never ticketed. The colors are generally sedate and unassuming, British Racing Green is as crazy as it gets, none of those obscene reds and yellows that draw radar guns. The trick is beneath the 40 year old skin is the possibility of an all-aluminum automobile sporting a 400 HP supercharged V8. It's a perfect sleeper and the car least likely to get you ticketed.

We know what you're thinking: The American economy is barely alive. Detroit is busily attempting to reverse decades of bad choices. Speed has never been cheaper, interest rates are still in the gutter, and everyone and their brother — hello, Black Friday — wants you to buy, buy, buy. It looks like an easy call.

We're here to tell you to hold off. If you can stomach it, we suggest you do something radical: If it has wheels, don't buy it new. Period. Sound like sacrilege? Maybe, but there's more to it than you might think.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Argument One: Cost

As obvious as it seems, the money bit can't be overlooked. Sure, you lose a hefty chunk of change the moment you drive your new snazzmobile off the lot, but that old saw rarely stops people. And yeah, interest rates are low, and the guy in the nice tweed suit is going to talk to his boss and almost lose his job so you can save a few bucks. It's tempting. But it's also a game for suckers.

Look at it this way: Yes, there's never been a better time to buy a new car. But by the same token, there's also never been a better time to save your money and buy something older and a heck of a lot cheaper. The same economy that made that brand-new Porsche 911 seem affordable also trashcanned the values of every used car on the planet. Never has so much fun been available for so little, and the tradeoffs are relatively benign. (In the case of the 911, a good used 996 Carrera will be almost as fast, half as expensive, and just as much fun to fling into a fencepost ass-first.) And if you're worried about repair costs, don't — unless you buy in the rain, at night, and while drunk, a year's worth of fix-it bills will rarely outweigh the heft of twelve car payments.

Take the cash you saved and go on vacation. Invest it. Hell, for that matter, just use it to — wait for it — buy a second car. (What can we say? Jalopnik wants you to roll.) The possibilities are endless.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Argument Two: The Environment

It doesn't matter what you buy, how old it is, or how much it says "hybrid" on the trunk — if you're buying a new car, you're consuming resources. Great strides have been made in the field of automotive recycling, and for the most part, large-scale manufacturing is cleaner than it's ever been. But you can't negate the laws of physics: If it already exists, then you don't have to make it. Creating things takes work, and work, by definition, makes something happen by using up something else.

A few years ago, a company called CNW Market Research created a "dust to dust" study that examined the net environmental impact of a host of new cars. The study received a lot of press, largely because it claimed that a Jeep Wrangler used less energy from cradle to grave than a Toyota Prius. The firm's methods have since been the subject of a great deal of controversy, but the argument they make is valid: Things aren't always what they seem, and planetary harm has a lot more to do with sustainable design than with tailpipe emissions.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Argument Three: Safety

This is the bit that comes with a caveat: No matter what you drive, the newer it is, the less likely it is to kill you in an accident. Vehicle safety standards are like the laundry — they never rest, and the only thing you can do is try to keep up. That said, thanks to Ralph Nader (I can't believe I just typed that), the curve isn't linear.

By and large, things are much better than they were fifty years ago. Your dad's '61 Cadillac may have killed him if he so much as looked at it funny, but anything built since the first Bush administration is going to be safe enough that you shouldn't feel terrorized by traffic. When in doubt, err on the side of newer, more airbags, and more crush space. Just because it's older doesn't mean that it wants you dead.

Argument Four: Fun

If you regularly read car magazines, the following may come as a shock: New cars aren't always more fun. Here at Los Jalops Con Carne, we've driven everything on the market, and most of what's out there simply isn't that special. Thanks to ever-increasing safety, emissions, and comfort standards, the average new car is a lumpy pile of bloated meh. There are exceptions — a lot of them, thankfully — but they aren't available for beer money, and most of them are either wildly impractical or more expensive than a small house. Buy older, and you get access to the once-costly fun stuff at cut-rate prices; you also get lighter curb weights, better steering feel, and more seat-of-the-pants Kickass.

The Caveat: Sometimes…

OK, we give — none of this is set in stone. There are obviously exceptions to each and every one of these arguments, and sometimes a new car is simply the best answer. We feel your pain. But if you remember nothing else, remember this:

Save the old cars. Please. Don't let your children grow up thinking that 4000-pound sport sedans with foot-thick doors are the way of the future. Help us, before it's too late. This is Jalopnik, signing off from the future. You have been warned.

Good Deal #1

What: Buy A 2010 Suzuki SX4 For Under $15,000
Where: Suzuki Dealers
Regular Price: $15,849
Black Friday Price: $14,599
Savings: $500 Holiday cash on top of current deals, for a total savings of $1,300.
Why Its A Good Deal: You won't find a better utilitarian vehicle in this price range. Better yet, it comes with an in-dash navigation system featuring Garmin software.

Good Deal #2

What: GM Dealer Closing Sale: $2,000 Off For Certain Customers
Where: Cadillac, Buick-GMC, Chevrolet Dealers
Regular Price: Already heavily discounted
Savings: $1,000-to-$2,000
Black Friday Price: Between $1,000 and $2,000 cheaper
Why It's A Good Deal: Nearly one-million customers living near a closing dealership will receive a letter in the mail this week offering them an additional $1,000-to-$2,000 to purchase a vehicle at a dealership staying open. Deal ends at the end of the month.

Good Deal #3

What: BMW Diesel Luxury Sedans — More Than 10% Off
Where: BMW Dealers
Regular Price: $43,900
Savings: $4,500
Black Friday Price: $39,400
Why It's A Good Deal: BMW is trying to get U.S. buyers to accept diesel vehicles as luxury vehicles and is putting $4,500 in cash where its mouth is. Powerful and efficient, BMW diesels at a discount is a great deal.

Good Deal #4

What: 2009 Cadillac CTS-V: $5,000 Savings
Where: Cadillac Dealers
Regular Price: $58,575
Black Friday Price: $53,575
Savings: $5,000
Why It's A Good Deal: The CTS-V is a world-beater and the few remaining 2009 vehicles on dealer lots qualify for a $5,000 cash back deal. It's the fastest stocking-stuffer on the block.

Good Deal #5

What: Remaining 2009 Dodge Rams Up To $5,500 Cash Back
Where: Dodge Dealerships
Regular Price: $21,510 - $39,935
Black Friday Price: Up To $5,500 Off
Savings: $5,500
Why It's A Good Deal: Dodge is hoping they'll have a few less 2009 Rams sitting under their tree and are offering up to $5,500 in cash back if you'll help rid them of a nicely-loaded one.

Bad Deal #1

What: Ford's Year-End Sales Event Unremarkable
Where: Ford Dealers
Regular Price: Fairly Cheap
Black Friday Price: $1,000 less plus 0% financing
Why It's A Bad Deal: Ford is not as poorly positioned as other American automakers so they're offering a measly $1,000 cash back and 0% financing. This is a good deal — on Black Friday 2006.

Bad Deal #2

What: Baja MotorSports Phoenix 250cc Street Motorcycle A Bad Deal Free
Where: PepBoys
Regular Price: $1,999.99
Black Friday Price: $1,499.00
Savings: $500.01
Why It's A Bad Deal: Even with a $500 discount you're still buying a cheap-for-a-reason Chinese bike that's going to require riding lessons, a license and possibly being abandoned two weeks later on the side of the road.

Bad Deal #3

What: Get Less Than 3% Off Of A BMW M3
Where: BMW Dealerships
Regular Price: $54,850
Black Friday Price: $53,350
Why It's A Bad Deal: BMW knows it has a great product in the M3 sports sedan and it's throwing its smallest cash back offer on them. For less than 3% off most buyers won't notice it.

Bad Deal #4

What: Get A "Free" Upgrade To An AWD Charger You Didn't Want
Where: Dodge Dealerships
Regular Price: $30,540
Black Friday Price: $25,700
Why It's A Bad Deal: Dodge has a slate of attractive incentives for those wanting to buy a new car from them, but the "free" upgrade to an AWD Charger is selling you an unpopular AWD upgrade instead of more cash off the car you actually wanted.

Bad Deal #5

What: Subaru Donates $250 To Charity For You
Where: Subaru Dealers
Regular Price: Regular Price
Black Friday Price: Still The Regular Price On Many Models
Why It's A Bad Deal: We think Subaru's "Share The Love " event is great for the five charities that get $250 when you buy their car, but it's not a great deal for consumers. Blame it on Subaru building cars people want.